Unfortunately, a lot in that community tend to lean on metaphysical and spiritual aspects with disproportional weight. It creates this nearly fanatical belief that all illnesses are based in spiritual maladies and can be fixed accordingly. Our ancestors used to believe the same thing, until Louis Pasteur came along and another cause was discovered with evidence to follow. It’s a shame not everyone is taking advantage of such wisdom. This has a great deal with why I choose to use the term mystical woo instead of a more respectful term. To convey my ever growing frustration at how physical maladies are being pushed as being spiritual crisis, and much too often at great harm to others.

Now before your feathers get all ruffled, I’m not discounting a spiritual or even a psychological connection. I’ve even written before on Talking to Your Body that went into some of that. I’ve personally done work and had work done on me that has been of great benefit. My issue has never sat with the idea of spiritual healing itself, but with the rabid intensity that some feel a need to do it with and the level of victim blaming that it carries with it.

“How Do You Equate Spiritual Healing to Victim Blaming?!?!”

Please remember, that I’m not throwing any and all spiritual work under the bus. I know this can be a triggering kind of topic for some. I’ve given my fair warning, I’ve had my fair share of this brand of crazy all this month and I’ve about had it with seeing it around, this isn’t a personal attack unless the shoe is a perfect fit. That being said….

One of the most common aspects a lot of mystical woo solutions have to deal with this idea that you have somehow chosen to be ill. The thought your soul chose this path before you were born. People like this because it sounds pretty. “Oh, sweetie, when you’re struggling, just remember that your soul chose this path in order to grow. And we grow the strongest under pressure! You’re just a brave soul!” Suffering magically turns into something to embrace instead of spending time trying to fix. Something you’re supposed to wear as a badge of honor. Your genetic illness is now a divine gift!

The other common one is that you’re choosing to be sick in this moment. If you want to heal, you have to first stop wanting to be ill. I just had a woman tell me that the reason I have an non-healing wound is because deep down…I want to be injured. If I meditated on talking to my Higher Self, it would help me to discover why I’m wanting to have this many complications and I could finally release it and properly heal. This was in no way meant in sarcasm.

You may not realize it if you’re spewing this information, but what you’re basically telling someone is that they’re to blame for all of the pain. With Ehlers-Danlos, we have so many complex issues that even many doctors have a hard time with. You’re telling me I want this? That I chose this? Now, I adore my surgeon…but not to the point I want to continue to have a hole in my foot just to visit him. It’s exceptionally frustrating not being able to do some simple tasks. Do you know how hard it is to do your own laundry on a knee scooter? What exactly about this situation do I like so much that I secretly want to have this happen? Being different? Attention? I get enough of that without mystery complications…thanks. People with dysautonomia that need a port installed for daily infusions…they wanted it? People with MCAS and can’t function in the normal world because their body freaks out at everything…they wanted it that way? Children that get picked on because they’ve got to wear braces to school? Chiari patients just think their brain leaking out of their skull sounds like fun? If that isn’t victim blaming masquerading as spiritual guidance I don’t know what is. If that kind of thinking personally helps you get through your life having a chronic illness…go for it! Knock yourself out. Just keep it away from me, and try to keep your trap shut when others are obviously struggling.

Speaking as someone who occasionally submits herself to doing woo, the job of a healer is to help people find ways to acknowledge the beauty and grace in their lives DESPITE having a chronic illness. Not to instill feelings of guilt or shame for things out of their control or that they’re a bad person for not seeing their suffering as a blessing. Telling them their condition is really some kind of chosen path or secret wish is telling them it’s their fault and their somehow just a terrible human being if they can’t admit they’ve done this to themselves. That all the time they spent at specialists and finding medication or devices to ease their pain was in folly. They’re struggling to look for answers and what this is telling them is, in short, if they were just a better person they’d be okay. I don’t care if you personally believe such things, when you tell people it’s their fault for suffering a chronic illness, you’re part of the problem.

“But You Don’t Understand! People Need to Hear That to Get Better!”

No. Unless they’re actively doing something against their health, they really don’t need to hear your self-righteous declarations. If I was walking around every day and lying to my surgeon about it AND I was asking for your advice, then you could tell me, I think you’re doing this to yourself. If I am just sitting at work with my leg up trying to get work done? I don’t need unsolicited lectures on how if only I would choose not to be injured I would have healed. That isn’t helping anyone. Trying to badger someone into joining your essential oil and clean living group on social media because you JUST KNOW it’ll help them…is obtrusive and offensive. That’s all arrogance. You are free to convince yourself otherwise, I’m not going to stop you if you want to live a lie. We’ll all sit here and judge you for it though.

Even if we assume that this is the case. Let’s entertain this for just a moment, that someone you’re talking to is being self destructive. Someone you’ve met, you can see that maybe their negative perception is adding to their condition. If you’re trying to counsel someone on a devastating situation, and you need them to see how they’re being self destructive…the answer is still 99% of the time not accosting them and telling them they’re choosing to do this and if only they’d be more spiritual they’d get better. You will cause them to feel defensive, insulted, and infuriated instead of introspect. You will cause them to feel like you’re telling them their condition isn’t real. Leading to them shutting down and tuning you out anyway.

It’s also the lazy way out of spiritual healing. Those doing this don’t have to get elbow deep in the suffering and the pain. They’re not actually listening so they don’t have to deal with the empathetic impact. They can just recite some pretty platitudes, give them some candles and crystals, recommend a book, and tell them to meditate on their situation. They don’t have to find out how the medical condition is impacting their body. They don’t have to research. They’re not doing much of anything aside from smiling down from their high horse. Real Spiritual Healing practices are just as messy as the work of a good surgeon, just in different ways. If you prefer the easy way and putting all your faith in belief and telling everyone how if only they truly believed in wanting to be healthy…you should find a different profession.

“It Sounds Like You Just Hate People Who Do Spiritual Healing…”

Maybe if you weren’t listening. I’m actually very pro integrative medicine. I use an essential oil blend that was recommended by a practitioner I trust. I’ve had intense energy “surgery” on my ankle that negated some of the most extreme symptoms. I’ve made medicine pouches for a few people and done energy “surgery” when necessary. I’m all for mystical woo (and yes, I really do call it mystical woo even when I’m doing something seriously) when used appropriately. It’s the “used appropriately” that is my hang up, and when it gets crossed, I have this bad habit of getting angry.

I don’t have Ehlers-Danlos because I’m not spiritual enough. Or because I don’t meditate enough. Or because I still get angry. Or because I’m not listening to my Higher Self. Or because I think suffering is a good idea and willed it upon myself. Or because I need to embrace my sacred womb space and be more feminine to connect with the healing of the divine wombyn(read woman). Or because I must be a divine being that doesn’t fit in a human body. Or because I eat meat and disrespect animal spirits. Or because I’ve turned my faith from the divine and look at doctors as God. Or I’m self-depreciating enough to manifest it physically. Or because I’m not able to find a reason to be cheery every single day. Or because I still have mental breakdowns. Or because I suffer from cPTSD. Or because I was abused.*

And neither are you.

You are not sick because you are failing as a human being.

You are not causing your genetic disorder.

You don’t have to think your disorder is a blessing.

You don’t have to be thankful for your suffering.

You are beautiful despite your disorder, not because of it.

You are enough.

Illness doesn’t care about your spirituality or your ability or your knowledge. Your genes don’t care how much you smudge your house. Sometimes a bad roll of the dice really is how the world works. It’s not your fault.

It is not your fault you are sick.

Keep searching for answers. I wish each of you the best, always, to find answers that work for you. I hope that whatever people you need in your life find their way to you and I hope you’re ready to hear what they have to say. Whether this is a therapist, a priest, or a doctor. Don’t let anyone ever let you feel ashamed or guilty of a bad roll of the genetic dice. You don’t deserve it. It’s not your fault they’re too blinded by their rose colored glasses to notice.

And for those others out there, please PLEASE don’t make others feel like they are less because you prefer to live outside of their reality. Most of us don’t have that luxury of even considering that…and I hope you never are afflicted with a condition that necessitates that need for you to understand first hand.

*A Footnote – When I listed all of those things, those were things that I was actually told were causes of my illness. And all from people that felt a need to lecture me on my health because I was wearing a brace on my foot and had it elevated or was on a knee scooter. I wish I was making them up. So, I’ve also made light of the situation and made a ghost chicken to represent the angry animal spirit of my food. A Poultrygeist if you will. If you think he’s cute and possibly the cause of your suffering, become a part of the inside joke too by heading over to the new RedBubble Store from our sister website with stickers, shirts, and even some EDS specific designs.