As I wrote in the Part One of this the other day: Recovering from surgery is taxing in the best of situations. Your body is diverting a lot of resources to the area that was worked on and, as in my case, is trying to decide whether to fight or accept the new pieces that were put in. But it works a bit different when you’ve got anxiety and EDS. And in yesterday’s post I gave just a few reasons that EDS alone makes it harder, but I want to try and explain the hurdles anxiety brings to the table.
Anxiety Lies
Anxiety stems from an important defense mechanism. When we’re in danger, what is commonly referred to as the fight or flight response kicks in. Trouble with anxiety…is almost anything can trigger that response. Though there are plenty of theories as to why the anxiety brain is so over-active, the bottom line is our anxiety disorder brain lies and says benign things are scary and we’re going to die.
Now, the hard part, is that if you’ve read the previous post…you know that there are a lot of things that we really DO have to concern ourselves with. Which just complicates the whole matter. I end up spending a lot of time in internal conversations with myself over whether something is a valid concern or anxiety taking a tantrum.
How Do You Have A Conversation With Your Anxiety?
Okay, so it might not be a conversation EXACTLY. It’s more a fast paced analyzing of what I’m feeling vs what is logical. It might look something like this, I’ll put the more emotional reaction in bold and my logic response in normal text:
OMG My foot is red around the stitches and it’s painful to step on now! Something is wrong!
Well, it’s only been a few weeks from surgery, and I DID walk on it yesterday
What if it’s infected? It totally could be infected right now
But…it’s not warm to the touch.
What if it’s a deep infection and hasn’t come all the way to the surface to feel warm yet?
But that…isn’t how infections work. If it was a deep infection, by the time it was red, it’d be inflamed, darker, more tender. I’d feel warmer.
You can’t trust your own judgement, what if you’re wrong?
Well, then I’ll call the surgeon. He did say to call if I’ve got concerns.
But what if he’s busy? And what if he didn’t really mean it? Can I justify calling him for just a little pain?
Okay, so how little is the pain really? Can I walk like I’m supposed to? *tries out again* Nope
What if you did something and destroyed all the work the surgery did?
Which is even more of a reason to call the surgeon, right?
But what if it’s normal healing and you’d be calling just to harass him?
It could be nerve pain, that’s what it was last time.
Which means you’d be BOTHERING him
Unless it’s not just nerve pain….
How could you let this happen. You probably overdid it and now not only are you bothering him but he’ll know it’s been ruined because of you.
Or, he could relieve my worry like he did last time. That is a possibility.
Or it could just confirm that you’ve gone through all this pain of surgery for nothing and now you’ve ruined your ankle
No….
No
NO
That’s enough. Get all the information about it. What kind of pain. How far it extends. Range of motion. Photo in case he wants it texted. If I upset him, I upset him. But better to know I checked.
And that was a short version of one morning I actually did call the doctor. The result was positive and he completely reassured me that it was really good that I called, but that’s not the point I hope to make here.
But Everyone Worries!
And that’s true! But the difference between someone that suffers from an anxiety disorder has an internal dialog they have to keep in check like that often. Remember earlier when I said it could take benign things and turn them terrifying? Surgery has a lot of concerns, and even more with EDS. But anxiety doesn’t just come about when it’s time to make you feel like a hypochondriac. It can show because of anything from a phone call to a bruise you don’t remember getting.
But stress makes any anxiety symptoms worse. It’s more than just internal dialog, it’s a fear response. Instead of just considering the emotional response dialog up there as words, consider it being felt as something worth being afraid over. Feeling as if you really did screw up everything beyond the point of repair despite any evidence to the contrary.
This can appear to someone on the outside as just being in a miserable mood and snapping, or being overly emotional at what looks like simple problems. Sometimes it appears as just being really emotionally needy and needing physical affection. It can even look like all the person does is talk about their problems and “negative” things.
I can’t speak for everyone of course, but try and keep in mind when things like that are viewed from the outside… There can be a storm raging on the inside that is threatening to take over. In situations like this we really need to learn self care.
When Self Care Can Trigger Anxiety
Sounds backwards, doesn’t it? But that’s the point. It’s an anxiety DISORDER and not just being nervous for logical reasons. Something like resting as much as the doctor told you to can make one’s anxiety skyrocket as if you were being chased by lions. OMG what will be people THINK?! You’re so lazy and worthless and not even trying!
What seems like an illogical internal conversation (and often is) send very real to someone in the throws of anxiety. What if I’ve not moved enough? I’m too much of a burden, I have to clean. I can’t ask anyone for help, they didn’t mean it when they offered. If I ask for help I’ll push people I love away from me! Everyone around me probably thinks I’m just being lazy. I know the doctor said put my foot up most of the day, but my coworkers are getting mad at me, so what if I try and work like normal and put it up with ice when I get home?
But you know what? Try and remember it doesn’t matter what others think. And it doesn’t matter what your anxiety thinks they’re going to think. What matters is that we all remember to take care of ourselves the best ways we can. To do things like call the doctors when we’re concerned or take a break when the pain gets to great. We need to remember that we’re important enough to deserve the best chance at proper healing. So what if Suzy in Payroll rolls her eyes at you. Suzy isn’t living your life so her opinion only matters as much as you allow it to. Suzy won’t have to cope if you’ve screwed something up by pushing when you should’ve taken a break… YOU will.
So please at least try to take a deep breath and take the moments you need for yourself.
In The Spirit of Self Care
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