I’ll write more about the procedures I’ve had done to my ankle about time. After all, I’m having the other one getting the same procedures in December, so why write about the memory of pain when I can express it in real time?
Patience… Is not my strong suit.
I had these procedures done in mid November. The short version is they replaced a ligament with a synthetic one and stuffed a bullet shaped implant into my ankle to keep it from falling out when I stood. I’ll elaborate later when I’m confined to a bed in recovery and need something to do.
It’s now mid October. The swelling is down, stitches have mostly dissolved. Last post op appointment the surgeon said I was “Healing like a teenager” and to start walking on it.
Okay
So… He didn’t exactly say start walking on it.
I was supposed to start walking on it GRADUALLY and SLOWLY increase the amount every week. If anyone reading this thinks I followed that order, my future posts are going to be a lot of fun for you.
To elaborate, I’ve not been properly walking since this time last year. I pulled a ligament in my right ankle and it never healed enough to reliably support my weight. Sometimes it would just randomly give up and I’d have to try not to fall over. Walking boots, constant ace bandage, walking stick, cane, support boots in the middle of summer. Can you blame me for wanting to be just that little bit independent again?
I did start out slow. Walking just to the bathroom once or twice a day. That quickly escalated to walking home from work and through the house at least once an evening. Granted, work is only 150 yards away. But I don’t think going from no weight on it to what adds up to a couple hundred yards a day… Is what he meant by gradual.
So today I’m paying for it. Massaging it is fine. No extra bruising or discolorations. But it feels like I’ve got a bruise on the inside on my ankle bones. Which…I should probably expect being there’s an implant in there that they need to adapt to.
But why do it? Why ignore the doctor’s orders?
Simple. Frustration. It sounds silly. I know. And it’s a terrible reason. Trust me… I am fully aware. But I’m a woman in her mid thirties that needs help carrying food from one room to another. I need help showering. My other half has to pick out clothes because I can’t get to my closets with the walker or knee scooter I have to currently rely on. I can’t even make, let alone get my own cup of morning coffee. I have to be walked home while I’m recovering in case I fall. I haven’t been on a proper walk in AGES.
Starting to see why I could want to break free ASAP?
But the pain today tells me that if I don’t regain my patience…I won’t be able to enjoy that freedom again. That I need to slow down and let those that care for me continue to help me. It’s either that… Or face that I’m risking needing a more permanent level of care.
That’s a difficult thing to face at times.
