It’s a very natural thing, when bad things happen, to ask “Why me?” We try to make sense of the chaos that can be Ehlers-Danlos (or other rare disorders). One evening, a friend of mine and I were discussing that frustration. I was having ankle complications that even one of the very top EDS podiatrists didn’t fully understand what was going on. My friend was having undocumented reactions to their anxiety and depression medications. We were laughing in kind of a morbid humor way because none of it made logical sense. If we just knew what was the cause…then we would fix it! That we would understand if we were ignoring the doctor’s orders. If they were taking the meds at the wrong time or without food. If I was walking on my ankle when told not to. There would at least be a reason.
It’s very frustrating when there’s no easily discernable reason. We both acknowledged there’s a reason, because there’s always a reason. Just maybe, ones that weren’t quite understood or we didn’t have the technology to understand yet. But that didn’t change the fact that we just wanted to know the reason because that would mean we’d have something we could act on. We laughed about how it’s probably the most absurd reason that nobody ever realized. And I said…..
…Like A Purple Cow
Where is the purple cow? Doesn’t matter, it just exists.
Why is it a purple cow? No reason other than just because.
Have you seen the purple cow? No, but I know it’s there.
Why is it the fault of the purple cow? Reasons.
What does the purple cow want? Nobody really understands.
Sometimes, the cow was angry. What was it angry at? We weren’t quite sure, but we said it was when it caused pain. So when there’s stomach pain, joint pain, nerve pain, and all without an easily diagnosable reason?
It was because we were dealing with a very angry cow that was stomping around for no good reason.
Sometimes, the cow was hiding in plain sight. When you have something that seems like it’s an obvious issue with an obvious treatment. I once had a massive flare of what looked like poison ivy. Didn’t itch a whole lot, but that’s exactly what it looked like and it made sense. Took a steroid shot, and it got worse. Was given a high dosage steroid gel, and it got worse. Went to a dermatologist that shrugged it off at poison ivy and was convinced I was lying about the steroids because poison ivy would go away with steroids.
We never did figure it out, though we’ve assumed it to be MCAS related. But it was something that should have been very “normal” and “easy to treat”. Yet….it tormented me for over a month.
Purple cow
Sometimes the cow is a sneaky little thing. You’re having a good day. You’re getting things done. Enjoying life. Hanging out with friends. Working. Whatever you happen to be doing. When all of a sudden….
….without warning…
BAM! Debilitating symptoms! Whether it be a migraine or a joint going out of place. Gastroparesis causing you to vomit. Whatever the reason, it snuck up out of nowhere for seemingly no reason.
Purple cow
A symptom that you’ve dealt with forever and thought was completely normal only to find out that it’s actually a sign of having a rare disease?
Purple cow that’s been painting itself to look like a zebra this whole time.
I wrote a post a while back that included using lizard pictures sent to friends to describe the state of my mental health. Godzilla was the “I’m in immediate danger and am in legitimate danger” signal. Sometimes there was a trigger I can pick out. Other times?
That damned purple cow showed up in a Godzilla suit.
Having an over-active immune system that thinks it’s helping, but is really causing you significant issues? MCAS rejecting food that’s good for you? Lungs full of fluid because it’s trying to encapsulate the invaders? Nerves in pain because they’re trying to let you know there’s something wrong but won’t stop screaming?
It’s a cow trying really hard to be helpful, in all the wrong ways.
I even designed a cow for when people try and tell you that it’s spiritual reasons that you’re feeling poorly. I generally degrade it into “woo nonsense” when it’s unhelpful suggestions and tangents. But it can be things like having terrible dreams for no apparent reason?
Maybe it’s your meds, maybe it’s a cow in disguise as something magical.
But whatever is going on…..
Whether you’ve got a random flare of shingles or mono. You get the bad news of a diagnosis. You have strange complications that confuse your doctors.
It’s so easy for us to worry. Maybe I screwed up. Maybe I’m being divinely punished. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I had it coming. *Maybe my doctor is bad. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I’m being a drama queen about it. Maybe I’m just making it up. Maybe I’m just weak.
Or maybe…just maybe…life is chaos and there’s not always a nice and neat answer for everything.
Maybe….
It’s just a purple cow.
IF you like these designs, you can find them on the RedBubble site through the art page of RedTailArts there.
*If you ever think that your doctor is the problem or you’re not being heard, please get a second opinion! You should always feel heard by your physician and we know that it can be a difficult thing to figure out whether it is a doctor or a body problem.
